The Art of Seeing Into Art

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.

Pablo Picasso



 

Here are some tips how to trick people into thinking that you are an expert in art.

If you see a lot of people and they look normal, it’s Bruegel:

Pieter Bruegel the Elder – The Peasant Wedding. 1567
Pieter Bruegel the Elder – The Massacre of the Innocents. 1565-1567

If the paintings have lots of little people in them, but also have a ton of crazy stuff, it’s Bosch:

Hieronymus Bosch – The Garden of Earthly Delights. 1480 – 1505
Hieronymus Bosch – Haywain. 1525-1550

If everyone in the painting has enourmous asses, it’s Rubens.

Peter Paul Rubens – The Three Graces. 1630-1635
Peter Paul Rubens – The Judgement of Paris. 1636

If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it’s Titian:

Titian – Saint Sebastian. 1570-1572
Titian – Danaë. 1553-1554

If all men look like cow-eyed curly-haired women, it’s Caravaggio:

Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio – Boy with a Basket of Fruit. 1593
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio – Young Sick Bacchus. 1593-1594

If everyone, including the women, looks like Putin, then it’s Van Eyck:

Jan van Eyck – Arnolfini Portrait. 1434
Jan van Eyck – Madonna of Chancellor Rollin. 1435

If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it’s Rembrandt:

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn – Self-Portrait with Beret and Turned-Up Collar. 1659
Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn – Old Man with a Gold Chain. 1632

If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas:

Edgar Degas – The Ballet Class. 1871-1874
Edgar Degas – The ballet rehearsal on Stage. 1874

If there are cupids on the paintings, or you can easily add some, it’s Boucher:

François Boucher – Allegory of music. 1764
François Boucher – Jupiter, in the Guise of Diana, Seducing Callisto. 1759

All is dark, contrasted, and everyone has this peaked face with a beard, it’s El Greco:

El Greco – The Nobleman with his Hand on his Chest. 1580
El Greco – Christ Carrying the Cross. 1578

If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida:

Frida Kahlo – The Broken Column. 1944
Frida Kahlo – The Two Fridas. 1939

If everyone is beautiful, naked and stacked, it’s Michelangelo:

Michelangelo – The Last Judgement. 1536 – 1541
Michelangelo – The Creation Of Adam. 1508–1512

If a person lacks some bodyparts or, has an excess of them and those bodyparts are not where they are supposed to be, it’s Picasso:

Pablo Picasso – The Weeping Woman. 1937

If There is a rave of colours and people are happyRenoir:

Pierre Auguste Renoir – Luncheon of the Boating Party. 1881
Pierre Auguste Renoir – The Umbrellas. 1881-1886

If There is a rave of colours and people are unhappy, it’s Manet:

Édouard Manet – In the Conservatory. 1879
Édouard Manet – A Bar at the Folies-Bergère. 1982

The “Lord of the Rings” scenery and curly-haired people, it’s Da Vinci:

Leonardo Da Vinci – Mona Lisa (La Gioconda). 1503-1519
Leonardo Da Vinci – The Virgin and Child with St. Anne. 1503

If looking at the painting makes you think that you are on drugs, it’s Dali:

Salvador Dali – The Temptation of St. Anthony. 1946
Salvador Dali – The Persistence of Memory. 1931

If all you see is an excel sheet with coloured squares, it’s Mondrian:

Piet Mondrian – Composition A. 1923

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