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The Art of Seeing Into Art

Here are some tips how to trick people into thinking that you are an expert in art.

If you see a lot of people and they look normal, it’s Bruegel:

Pieter Bruegel the Elder – The Peasant Wedding. 1567
Pieter Bruegel the Elder – The Massacre of the Innocents. 1565-1567

If the paintings have lots of little people in them, but also have a ton of crazy stuff, it’s Bosch:

Hieronymus Bosch – The Garden of Earthly Delights. 1480 – 1505
Hieronymus Bosch – Haywain. 1525-1550

If everyone in the painting has enourmous asses, it’s Rubens.

Peter Paul Rubens – The Three Graces. 1630-1635
Peter Paul Rubens – The Judgement of Paris. 1636

If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it’s Titian:

Titian – Saint Sebastian. 1570-1572
Titian – Danaë. 1553-1554

If all men look like cow-eyed curly-haired women, it’s Caravaggio:

Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio – Boy with a Basket of Fruit. 1593
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio – Young Sick Bacchus. 1593-1594

If everyone, including the women, looks like Putin, then it’s Van Eyck:

Jan van Eyck – Arnolfini Portrait. 1434
Jan van Eyck – Madonna of Chancellor Rollin. 1435

If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it’s Rembrandt:

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn – Self-Portrait with Beret and Turned-Up Collar. 1659
Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn – Old Man with a Gold Chain. 1632

If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas:

Edgar Degas – The Ballet Class. 1871-1874
Edgar Degas – The ballet rehearsal on Stage. 1874

If there are cupids on the paintings, or you can easily add some, it’s Boucher:

François Boucher – Allegory of music. 1764
François Boucher – Jupiter, in the Guise of Diana, Seducing Callisto. 1759

All is dark, contrasted, and everyone has this peaked face with a beard, it’s El Greco:

El Greco – The Nobleman with his Hand on his Chest. 1580
El Greco – Christ Carrying the Cross. 1578

If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida:

Frida Kahlo – The Broken Column. 1944
Frida Kahlo – The Two Fridas. 1939

If everyone is beautiful, naked and stacked, it’s Michelangelo:

Michelangelo – The Last Judgement. 1536 – 1541
Michelangelo – The Creation Of Adam. 1508–1512

If a person lacks some bodyparts or, has an excess of them and those bodyparts are not where they are supposed to be, it’s Picasso:

Pablo Picasso – The Weeping Woman. 1937

If There is a rave of colours and people are happyRenoir:

Pierre Auguste Renoir – Luncheon of the Boating Party. 1881
Pierre Auguste Renoir – The Umbrellas. 1881-1886

If There is a rave of colours and people are unhappy, it’s Manet:

Édouard Manet – In the Conservatory. 1879
Édouard Manet – A Bar at the Folies-Bergère. 1982

The “Lord of the Rings” scenery and curly-haired people, it’s Da Vinci:

Leonardo Da Vinci – Mona Lisa (La Gioconda). 1503-1519
Leonardo Da Vinci – The Virgin and Child with St. Anne. 1503

If looking at the painting makes you think that you are on drugs, it’s Dali:

Salvador Dali – The Temptation of St. Anthony. 1946
Salvador Dali – The Persistence of Memory. 1931

If all you see is an excel sheet with coloured squares, it’s Mondrian:

Piet Mondrian – Composition A. 1923

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